Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
