Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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