She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
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don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
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Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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