i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
