Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
