Where did you get a picture of my penis
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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