I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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