sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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