Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
