Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
