Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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