Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
