We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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