Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
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Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
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I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole