Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.