I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️