if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood