which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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