Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
