i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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