I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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