I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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