3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize