I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
