I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
