Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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