so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
