I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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