I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
