At least make sure they are 18
Why
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
