i need an iv and a liver transplant
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
