i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
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At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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