Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
