Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
