I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
