Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
God I need to hump something, right now.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
