She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
