and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
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We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
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Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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