Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You peed on a flamingo?!?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
