I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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