Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
