Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
