I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
