No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
