I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
