Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
