i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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