Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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