Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
as a side note pls kill me
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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