He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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