i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
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