I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
