I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize