and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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