Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
