Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
