Duck Duck Cougar?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
