just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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