i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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