wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
