i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
