Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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