I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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