Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize