i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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