i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
