You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
