im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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