Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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