He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
